confessions on a dance floor
"Confessions on a Dance Floor", perhaps my favorite album by Madonna, controversial yet wildly successful international pop icon. While I have been a professional dancer, choreographer, and dance instructor for years, like Madonna, I am no stranger to controversy. In the 1980's Madonna's heavy religious themes juxtaposed her suggestive promiscuity, thus may critics jumped on the defense against her. How risque, how dare she push the envelope in such a manner? How will this influence the millions of young women who look up to such a pop icon? Well her music has certainly evolved over the years, as has she, in her own personal, professional, creative, and spiritual journey. I believe she started as Catholic, then Jewish, and now? She's still just mainly doing what she does best, and that's what matters most. She is indeed a successful woman to be respected.
One of my favorite TV shows is "Dancing with the Stars", in which a "star" (actor, athlete, or other celebrity) is paired up with a professional dancer to teach them how to dance, perform, and compete in front of a live audience, and millions of viewers at home (who then cast votes electronically, to seal their fate). I have been teaching dance classes and performing for years, and I find this show to be wildly entertaining, enriching, and valuable for anyone who has ever worked in the performing arts. This season's cast is laden with controversial contestants, including a sex-talk-radio DJ host (who unfortunately got voted off in week 1), 2 Playboy models, a liberal talk show host, and always graced with the presence of flamboyant professional dancers and judges. The inherent issues such a spectacle creates is nothing new to myself personally, having worked in the dance performance industry, the professional design industry, taught at art schools, and also in the fitness industry. It is what it is, although I don't necessarily agree with these lifestyles - it certainly makes for great entertainment, for any average viewer.
I was not familiar with her before this season, but contestant Kendra Wilkinson was a once a stripper, and part of Hugh Heffner's crew, and I believe upon her involvement with DWTS introduced Karina Smirnoff to Playboy, as she has recently posed in the popular publication as well. When I learned of Karina's nude modeling in Playboy, I was a bit surprised, as I had a little higher level of respect for her. However I realize many people have differing views on Playboy, and on pornography in general - is it "art" or an "appreciation" for women's bodies, or is it demoralizing and raunchy? I personally feel it is degrading to women. While of course I do not know Karina personally, she is one of my favorite pros on the show. A good friend with whom I watch the show can't stop commenting "I have seen ALL of Karina now, and I wish I hadn't, because that's all I can think about when she is dancing with Ralph!". Although many of the costumes are quite revealing, there is a fine line between flashing some skin and sacrificing one's integrity as a woman. As a relatively attractive successful female performer myself, many fans and friends at times have suggested I become a stripper, because of my natural gravitation to the limelight, my Scorpio sensuality, and skill in dance (the pole being no exception), and the monetary compensation it would provide for my life. But I have indeed maintained my moral backbone over the years and not subjected myself to the inherent perils of the pornographic lifestyle. I have heard stories of women who become strippers and porn stars, becoming hooked on drugs, contracting and transmitting a plethora of STDs among other adherents of this paradigm. Who would purposely invite any of that upon themselves?
I recently dated a guy who had his own pornography website. Believe it or not, this was not Red Flag #1, because I did not find out about it until after we had broken up, even though I knew he was formerly employed at a porn billing company so I should not have been surprised. If I had to list his immediate Red Flags, they would have probably been: lack of desire to go out due to gravitation towards staying home and watching movies and TV every night, lack of monetary funds to do so, unbearably messy apartment, unsanitary bathroom, snoring, hot temper, continual insistence on telling me what to do or ordering me around, inability to have a cohesive conversation -as his attention was always on TV or random people in the bar instead of me, no college education, incredible substance abuse problem, frequently said things which he later didn't remember saying, denial of all of the above, and overall disrespect for women, myself primarily. Needless to say, I am no longer with the guy. I think I thought he had a little more to offer initially, but soon figured out there was just a few sandwiches missing from his picnic basket. My curiosity peaked however, and I've since discovered many more issues especially regarding his (in)ability to communicate openly and honestly with women. He grew up with older sisters, one of whom ironically insists on speaking on his behalf. You'd think that the women in his life who are positive influences (like sisters and mother) would help nurture, teach, and encourage him regarding relationships with women, but regardless of upbringing and female influence, not all men possess the same integrity or convictions about important life issues.
In a recent email to his sister, I asked her what she thought of his pornography addiction. Rather than looking more closely at this as a moral values issue (they are supposedly Catholic, Virgin Mary is holy Madonna), she accused me of "harassing him" because I discovered his website (via a simple Google search for his name and email address) and then brought it to his and her attention. I also asked her how she felt about certain porn stars who were among his Facebook friends, as well as his relationship with another woman who works in the pornography industry who is a personal friend of his. To which his sister exclaimed to him, "how does she know who your Facebook friends are, I thought you blocked her from your page? Block her, and change your passwords - I command you!" In her overprotectiveness of her brother and attempting to maintain high standards for his dating life (I was certainly never good enough for him, God knows who else she's disapproved of) she totally missed the point of what I was asking her: "are you ok with his porn addiction? Do you know these individuals whom he calls *friends*, and do you believe they are wise choices for his companionship?"
I felt like she was protecting him, trying to shield him from what she perceived to be unhealthy for him (i.e. ME), all the while he had actually chosen to stick with the route most degrading and disrespectful to "real life" women, by choosing the porn over me. He had basically closed himself off, deleted and blocked people on Facebook (myself and some of my friends), and instructed his friends and family to do the same. He had essentially isolated himself regarding this issue, to keep his addictions private, or at least push me as far as possible away, because I had become fully aware of some of his more unhealthy tendencies. Protect thyself, lest anyone discovers your secret addictions! I wonder if his sister is fully aware of his activity in this realm, or if she thinks she is helping him by encouraging him to stay in it and in turn push me away, even as a friend who cares about him. Perhaps I'll never know, but perhaps I am in a better place having moved on from him. Although our secrets are safe with God, and He forgives us of our deepest darkest sins, Catholics believe they must practice admission of guilt in a semi-formal "Confession" in front of a Priest. So what's done in darkness will eventually come to light. Unless of course, we keep these undisclosed desires suppressed.
Recently, actor Charlie Sheen was caught red-handed in his debauchery: heavy cocaine addiction, running a porn ring, and a lot of high-strung euphoria, which would be perceived as cream-of-the crop by anyone in this lifestyle. He was running 2 porn houses down the street from each other, basically mansions for the porn stars to go and party, and film their porn. I am not clear as to what the charges were against Mister Sheen, or if the porn houses are still open for STD exchange, but his career has certainly suffered as a result when his hit TV show was pulled from the air in the wake of all the controversy. Also in the news, upon searching through Osama Bin Laden's personal belongings after his removal from our planet, it was discovered that he had his own extensive porn collection. For a Muslim, this sin transcends far beyond that of a non-religious man or proponent of any other faith (as we can choose to go to God, confess our sins, and be forgiven). Muslims believe that once they reach Janna (heaven) they will have 40 virgins (or Madonnas) awaiting for their pleasure.
It is probably unfair to isolate any one instance of sexual addiction, as any red-blooded man should naturally have a desire for women's bodies. Its just a matter of respecting the woman as a fellow human being, understanding and being sensitive to her mind, spirit, soul, feelings, and emotions, not just her beautiful body. Last night while out dancing at a Salsa club, a man approached my friend and I and asked us the following question. "Would you rather have a guy who can cook, or a guy who can dance?" My friend became giddy, and blurted out "cook!" but before she could answer fully, I glared at the man and stated firmly, "DUH, DANCE." They both looked at me in amazement, jaws dropped. I proceeded to explain rather simply, "its about the connection between your mind and your body. If a man can't connect, he can't respect". You see, for women, respect is all we require, but we have a mind, spirit, soul, feelings, and emotions in addition to our beautiful bodies - all of which can be fragile at times. But it takes two to Tango, so please be careful to not step on our toes, or you will get voted off the dancefloor and sent home! Keep up the with the tempo of the music, and tune in to your partner on all levels. Try to let go of unhealthy habits or secret tendencies that might hold you back from truly WINNING, as a competitor on the dancefloor of love and life.
One of my favorite TV shows is "Dancing with the Stars", in which a "star" (actor, athlete, or other celebrity) is paired up with a professional dancer to teach them how to dance, perform, and compete in front of a live audience, and millions of viewers at home (who then cast votes electronically, to seal their fate). I have been teaching dance classes and performing for years, and I find this show to be wildly entertaining, enriching, and valuable for anyone who has ever worked in the performing arts. This season's cast is laden with controversial contestants, including a sex-talk-radio DJ host (who unfortunately got voted off in week 1), 2 Playboy models, a liberal talk show host, and always graced with the presence of flamboyant professional dancers and judges. The inherent issues such a spectacle creates is nothing new to myself personally, having worked in the dance performance industry, the professional design industry, taught at art schools, and also in the fitness industry. It is what it is, although I don't necessarily agree with these lifestyles - it certainly makes for great entertainment, for any average viewer.
I was not familiar with her before this season, but contestant Kendra Wilkinson was a once a stripper, and part of Hugh Heffner's crew, and I believe upon her involvement with DWTS introduced Karina Smirnoff to Playboy, as she has recently posed in the popular publication as well. When I learned of Karina's nude modeling in Playboy, I was a bit surprised, as I had a little higher level of respect for her. However I realize many people have differing views on Playboy, and on pornography in general - is it "art" or an "appreciation" for women's bodies, or is it demoralizing and raunchy? I personally feel it is degrading to women. While of course I do not know Karina personally, she is one of my favorite pros on the show. A good friend with whom I watch the show can't stop commenting "I have seen ALL of Karina now, and I wish I hadn't, because that's all I can think about when she is dancing with Ralph!". Although many of the costumes are quite revealing, there is a fine line between flashing some skin and sacrificing one's integrity as a woman. As a relatively attractive successful female performer myself, many fans and friends at times have suggested I become a stripper, because of my natural gravitation to the limelight, my Scorpio sensuality, and skill in dance (the pole being no exception), and the monetary compensation it would provide for my life. But I have indeed maintained my moral backbone over the years and not subjected myself to the inherent perils of the pornographic lifestyle. I have heard stories of women who become strippers and porn stars, becoming hooked on drugs, contracting and transmitting a plethora of STDs among other adherents of this paradigm. Who would purposely invite any of that upon themselves?
I recently dated a guy who had his own pornography website. Believe it or not, this was not Red Flag #1, because I did not find out about it until after we had broken up, even though I knew he was formerly employed at a porn billing company so I should not have been surprised. If I had to list his immediate Red Flags, they would have probably been: lack of desire to go out due to gravitation towards staying home and watching movies and TV every night, lack of monetary funds to do so, unbearably messy apartment, unsanitary bathroom, snoring, hot temper, continual insistence on telling me what to do or ordering me around, inability to have a cohesive conversation -as his attention was always on TV or random people in the bar instead of me, no college education, incredible substance abuse problem, frequently said things which he later didn't remember saying, denial of all of the above, and overall disrespect for women, myself primarily. Needless to say, I am no longer with the guy. I think I thought he had a little more to offer initially, but soon figured out there was just a few sandwiches missing from his picnic basket. My curiosity peaked however, and I've since discovered many more issues especially regarding his (in)ability to communicate openly and honestly with women. He grew up with older sisters, one of whom ironically insists on speaking on his behalf. You'd think that the women in his life who are positive influences (like sisters and mother) would help nurture, teach, and encourage him regarding relationships with women, but regardless of upbringing and female influence, not all men possess the same integrity or convictions about important life issues.
In a recent email to his sister, I asked her what she thought of his pornography addiction. Rather than looking more closely at this as a moral values issue (they are supposedly Catholic, Virgin Mary is holy Madonna), she accused me of "harassing him" because I discovered his website (via a simple Google search for his name and email address) and then brought it to his and her attention. I also asked her how she felt about certain porn stars who were among his Facebook friends, as well as his relationship with another woman who works in the pornography industry who is a personal friend of his. To which his sister exclaimed to him, "how does she know who your Facebook friends are, I thought you blocked her from your page? Block her, and change your passwords - I command you!" In her overprotectiveness of her brother and attempting to maintain high standards for his dating life (I was certainly never good enough for him, God knows who else she's disapproved of) she totally missed the point of what I was asking her: "are you ok with his porn addiction? Do you know these individuals whom he calls *friends*, and do you believe they are wise choices for his companionship?"
I felt like she was protecting him, trying to shield him from what she perceived to be unhealthy for him (i.e. ME), all the while he had actually chosen to stick with the route most degrading and disrespectful to "real life" women, by choosing the porn over me. He had basically closed himself off, deleted and blocked people on Facebook (myself and some of my friends), and instructed his friends and family to do the same. He had essentially isolated himself regarding this issue, to keep his addictions private, or at least push me as far as possible away, because I had become fully aware of some of his more unhealthy tendencies. Protect thyself, lest anyone discovers your secret addictions! I wonder if his sister is fully aware of his activity in this realm, or if she thinks she is helping him by encouraging him to stay in it and in turn push me away, even as a friend who cares about him. Perhaps I'll never know, but perhaps I am in a better place having moved on from him. Although our secrets are safe with God, and He forgives us of our deepest darkest sins, Catholics believe they must practice admission of guilt in a semi-formal "Confession" in front of a Priest. So what's done in darkness will eventually come to light. Unless of course, we keep these undisclosed desires suppressed.
Recently, actor Charlie Sheen was caught red-handed in his debauchery: heavy cocaine addiction, running a porn ring, and a lot of high-strung euphoria, which would be perceived as cream-of-the crop by anyone in this lifestyle. He was running 2 porn houses down the street from each other, basically mansions for the porn stars to go and party, and film their porn. I am not clear as to what the charges were against Mister Sheen, or if the porn houses are still open for STD exchange, but his career has certainly suffered as a result when his hit TV show was pulled from the air in the wake of all the controversy. Also in the news, upon searching through Osama Bin Laden's personal belongings after his removal from our planet, it was discovered that he had his own extensive porn collection. For a Muslim, this sin transcends far beyond that of a non-religious man or proponent of any other faith (as we can choose to go to God, confess our sins, and be forgiven). Muslims believe that once they reach Janna (heaven) they will have 40 virgins (or Madonnas) awaiting for their pleasure.
It is probably unfair to isolate any one instance of sexual addiction, as any red-blooded man should naturally have a desire for women's bodies. Its just a matter of respecting the woman as a fellow human being, understanding and being sensitive to her mind, spirit, soul, feelings, and emotions, not just her beautiful body. Last night while out dancing at a Salsa club, a man approached my friend and I and asked us the following question. "Would you rather have a guy who can cook, or a guy who can dance?" My friend became giddy, and blurted out "cook!" but before she could answer fully, I glared at the man and stated firmly, "DUH, DANCE." They both looked at me in amazement, jaws dropped. I proceeded to explain rather simply, "its about the connection between your mind and your body. If a man can't connect, he can't respect". You see, for women, respect is all we require, but we have a mind, spirit, soul, feelings, and emotions in addition to our beautiful bodies - all of which can be fragile at times. But it takes two to Tango, so please be careful to not step on our toes, or you will get voted off the dancefloor and sent home! Keep up the with the tempo of the music, and tune in to your partner on all levels. Try to let go of unhealthy habits or secret tendencies that might hold you back from truly WINNING, as a competitor on the dancefloor of love and life.
posted by :: Lisa :: at 11:58 PM
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