it's not you, it's me
There has certainly been a lot going on in our world within the last few weeks, terror attacks in Norway and India, escalated violence in Libya, Syria, and Yemen, and successful bipartisan efforts to curb the US national debt crisis - problems as well as solutions. People are born every day, and people die every day. But when that person is close to you, such widespread common occurrences suddenly become localized. People often blame someone else for their problems. A political party, a terror group, corporations, or even the government itself. Have you ever blamed someone else for something you should have taken the blame for yourself? Have you ever taken someone else for granted, their talents, strengths, or contributions to your life, their community or workplace, or their place in in the world, worse yet, have you criticized someone for the work that they do? Maybe someone trying to help another, doing what they knew or thought to be right, dedicating their efforts to stand for or contribute to their beliefs, their work, their political party, or their country?
Throughout the history of this blog, I have shared personal stories from my travels abroad and throughout the US, compared and contrasted many people groups, religions, cultures, ethnicities, political parties, and paradigms. Everybody has a voice, everybody has a platform from which to raise that voice and to let their beliefs be known to others. Some people choose to keep their thoughts and feelings inside, others choose to debate or rationalize, still others choose to stir up controversy, sometimes to the point of conflict or inflicting harm upon others. I always stick to the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. But not everyone operates that way. Some people (we can also apply this to religious groups, terror groups, political parties, etc) see things only one way - and it's "their way or the highway". In recent months I have shared scenarios from my personal life regarding an ex and his narrow-minded way of thinking, his hostile, crude, demeaning behaviors and negative mindset (similar to terrorist ways), although despite this rigid frigidity, rallied his troops to his cause, fighting against those who represent goodness and truth (namely myself). Do you ever stop to think that for once, just once, such narrow-minded groups (again can apply to personal, political, religious) take the time to consider the sanctity of life, and the families or health of others? Probably not, crude is crude, rude is rude, and disrespectful is, well... perhaps akin to blasphemous.
A few months ago, I was selected to be featured in a series of fitness videos, to appear on a public website available for download by members who paid monthly fees or subscriptions to the site. I filmed a total of 4 videos, 2 of which I was only paid for half a session (though still the same amount of mileage and gas to get to their studio), and I never saw or received any of the footage of my fitness instruction. Unfortunately the scheduling never quite seemed to work out for all parties in an ideal manner, thus my involvement with this production ceased. The problem was two-fold - though of course, there are at least 2 sides to every story. First of all, this was a new "start-up" fitness company, they were supposed to go live with the website in May, it is now August and the site still does not exist on the internet nor any fitness videos to download. Secondly, the individuals in question are two 24 or 25 year-old men, with absolutely no business sense, no viable communication or organizational skills to speak of, and no respect for other humans, namely females.
Of course I found this out the hard way, through trial-and-error, as I ultimately figure out most interpersonal situations in which I've been fooled or taken advantage of in some way. After filming the 4 videos, and during said timeframe, numerous situations came up which were (as I surmised) caused by forces of the universe - beyond our human control (to some extent), forcing scheduled filming sessions to get canceled. These situations included: one of the guys slicing part of his finger off while cooking and having to spend the weekend in the hospital, one of the guys having to go out of town and thereby cancel all the weekend's scheduled sessions, one of them having to transfer video footage before he could film me thereby changing our appointment time twice in one day ultimately cancelling it, another day they misplaced or lost a video cable, again having to cancel our appointment, one day it started raining suddenly and we were supposed to film outdoors, and one day while on my way to meet them witnessed an accident on the freeway with corresponding traffic jam, which ultimately kept me from the filming session. Talk about the Universe being against us. I knew it wasn't me, but perhaps them, and perhaps just the forces of nature to some extent.
Other than the traffic and weather issues, I finally decided something had to give, and I said "look, why don't we work out some kind of a filming schedule, I'll write up a proposal" followed by a detailed lengthy email of my entire schedule, including full details of when I was and wasn't available, where I would be specifically and at what times - so there would be no further confusion regarding MY availability. I believed I was doing my part, and that was all I could do. After two such detailed lengthy emails with all the specifics, I received no response. I thought "ahh 20-year olds are sooo busy that they cannot reply to an email" as I'd experienced such ignorant behavior by other men in the past. Several weeks later, one of them posted on his Facebook page "we are looking for quality instructors, we will pay $30 an hour!" I read this and thought: finally, a response! I immediately replied: "sounds great, I'll definitely do it for $30, I wondered what happened to you guys." I had been paid anywhere from $12 to $25 for previous sessions with them, so I was eager to get started at the higher rate, now that they seemed to have increased their instructor pay, and fortunately now had my new, fully detailed schedule to reference. A few days later I received an email from one of the guys which stated "you've stood us up too many times in the past for us to want to continue this relationship." Come again? This is a "relationship"? and *I* am the Universe? *I* caused your finger to get sliced off, your video camera cable to stop working, and accidents on the freeway? I mean, I've been blamed for forces of the Universe in past "relationships", but really: "it's not you, it's me. Or, it's not me, it's you! Wow. I wonder if my ex paid them off...? Maybe just the liberalism that comes with the territory in California?
Lately I've become too busy to even worry about what to do about these guys, or if I should just forget about it- like I said earlier, they are very young and inexperienced. I am guessing they continue to film people and move on to the next, a bit like recycling. Use em and lose em. As human lives, feelings, emotions, souls, and dedication are, well disposable. No sooner did one drama end in my life, the next one began. About a month ago, the guy (I believe around age 21 or 22) who lives next door to my rental apartment, was having a loud late-night party. He has had several of these, but this time it was unreasonable. I leaned my head out the door and asked them to be quiet at least 4 times, as most of the tenants were trying to sleep (this was about 2am on a Wednesday, a work-night). Of course the guy never listens to me. For example, he smokes outside my window when he knows I am allergic to smoke, and the windows are not insulated properly. Anyway a few minutes later I pop my head out the door again (to once again tell them to quiet down), only to see him carrying a young woman about 21 years old, in his arms out of his apartment - he then proceeded to THROW her - literally - down the concrete stairs, backwards, head over heels. The woman was badly injured, the police and paramedics came to her rescue. Meanwhile the neighbors and I were still trying to sleep (so much for that idea!) I heard the guy "testifying" to the police, saying "I didn't touch her, I don't know how she got down the stairs!" Once again I popped my head out the door and this time told the police exactly what happened. Not only did he throw a young woman down the stairs, he lied to the police about it! He was arrested that night and went to jail, but he has since been telling neighbors "that girl is crazy, I have a restraining order against her". Therefore, that makes it OK to throw her down the stairs and send her to the emergency room (or into a coma)?
I doubt that any of these men in the above stories, nor my ex or his idiot friends have ever lost a loved one, or if they have, do not have the audacity to put themselves in someone else's shoes for just one moment. These are the kinds of disrespectful, heartless people who my best guy-friend refers to as "douche-bags" - as crude as that term may sound - fitting for their ignorant mindset and degrading behavior towards other humans. Who throws another human down a concrete flight of stairs? Who slices one's own finger off then blames someone who was not even there for the mishap? Who bombs a city or center of commerce, like the terror attacks in Mumbai, Norway, or the World Trade Center? Justifying that its OK, because one's religious, political, or personal views support or inspire it? Who is right, the Muslim who believes he's commanded by his God to kill non-Muslims, or the Christian who thinks its wrong to kill, because the Bible (God's 10 Commandments) instructs us not to? So then does this make it ok to "hurt" someone, by throwing them down the stairs, as long as we don't "kill" them? Or only if they are "crazy" and we have a restraining order against them? Likewise, must we continually object to individuals of an opposing political party, because they vote against a bill that we support (or vice versa)? What about those individuals' personal feelings, their bodies, their souls? Or must we place blame with no regard for others? It's not me, it's YOU.
I don't know for sure if all of the aforementioned individuals who have crossed me (or another woman in my presence) know that I lost my Dad a little over 2 1/2 years ago. I'm pretty sure they're too wrapped up in themselves to care about another human life. Although if it were their Dad, they would probably think differently. But they can't put themselves in someone else's shoes. Similarly, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer about 7 months ago, around the time when I was with my ex. He and all his friends were made fully aware of the situation, I invited him to meet her, everything. He was just so ignorant and disrespectful about the whole thing, like he didn't even care about her health. I remember having a conversation with my mom while visiting her in the hospital right around New Years, about him standing me up. She had advised me something to the effect of seeking quality relationships with men who did not "use me" or otherwise disrespect me. I told her he was just busy, and I knew he was "the one" because that is what he had made me to believe, and of course I trusted him because he was introduced to me by a good friend (who else can you trust?). However this was well before I discovered many of his unhealthy tendencies including but not limited to his hostile behaviors. Thank God he never threw me down the stairs!
I wish my mom could have met him because she is a very good judge of character and could have spared me months of being disrespected and degraded by he and his friends. She is now suffering from adverse effects of cancer treatments, and is very very weak. I am trusting God to keep her in His care and make her healthy again. I've already lost my Dad to a debilitating disease, I don't want to lose my mom too. Now I wish I lived in the same state so I can see her, but I did not move to AZ in favor of my safety from the hostile ex. Instead I have a violent neighbor who is also hostile to women. I wish people (men in particular) could be more sensitive to human life. My ex and his friends KNOW what I went through with my Dad, but they are inconsiderate - they just sit around and make jokes about me, my family, and my family's health. How disrespectful they are, how inhumane! My Dad was the most genuine trustworthy wonderful man in the world, and My Mom is equally wonderful and special. Sure people are born and die every day, but why are my family and I discredited, belittled, and persecuted? How long will you go on doing this? Stop hurting other people, blaming other people for your own idiocy, and try a little understanding and compassion. It's not all about YOU, it's also about the other person, and believe it or not, you might actually be WRONG. I wish more people would realize that human life is precious, and we only have one life to live - in the best way we can. People are not discardable.
Throughout the history of this blog, I have shared personal stories from my travels abroad and throughout the US, compared and contrasted many people groups, religions, cultures, ethnicities, political parties, and paradigms. Everybody has a voice, everybody has a platform from which to raise that voice and to let their beliefs be known to others. Some people choose to keep their thoughts and feelings inside, others choose to debate or rationalize, still others choose to stir up controversy, sometimes to the point of conflict or inflicting harm upon others. I always stick to the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. But not everyone operates that way. Some people (we can also apply this to religious groups, terror groups, political parties, etc) see things only one way - and it's "their way or the highway". In recent months I have shared scenarios from my personal life regarding an ex and his narrow-minded way of thinking, his hostile, crude, demeaning behaviors and negative mindset (similar to terrorist ways), although despite this rigid frigidity, rallied his troops to his cause, fighting against those who represent goodness and truth (namely myself). Do you ever stop to think that for once, just once, such narrow-minded groups (again can apply to personal, political, religious) take the time to consider the sanctity of life, and the families or health of others? Probably not, crude is crude, rude is rude, and disrespectful is, well... perhaps akin to blasphemous.
A few months ago, I was selected to be featured in a series of fitness videos, to appear on a public website available for download by members who paid monthly fees or subscriptions to the site. I filmed a total of 4 videos, 2 of which I was only paid for half a session (though still the same amount of mileage and gas to get to their studio), and I never saw or received any of the footage of my fitness instruction. Unfortunately the scheduling never quite seemed to work out for all parties in an ideal manner, thus my involvement with this production ceased. The problem was two-fold - though of course, there are at least 2 sides to every story. First of all, this was a new "start-up" fitness company, they were supposed to go live with the website in May, it is now August and the site still does not exist on the internet nor any fitness videos to download. Secondly, the individuals in question are two 24 or 25 year-old men, with absolutely no business sense, no viable communication or organizational skills to speak of, and no respect for other humans, namely females.
Of course I found this out the hard way, through trial-and-error, as I ultimately figure out most interpersonal situations in which I've been fooled or taken advantage of in some way. After filming the 4 videos, and during said timeframe, numerous situations came up which were (as I surmised) caused by forces of the universe - beyond our human control (to some extent), forcing scheduled filming sessions to get canceled. These situations included: one of the guys slicing part of his finger off while cooking and having to spend the weekend in the hospital, one of the guys having to go out of town and thereby cancel all the weekend's scheduled sessions, one of them having to transfer video footage before he could film me thereby changing our appointment time twice in one day ultimately cancelling it, another day they misplaced or lost a video cable, again having to cancel our appointment, one day it started raining suddenly and we were supposed to film outdoors, and one day while on my way to meet them witnessed an accident on the freeway with corresponding traffic jam, which ultimately kept me from the filming session. Talk about the Universe being against us. I knew it wasn't me, but perhaps them, and perhaps just the forces of nature to some extent.
Other than the traffic and weather issues, I finally decided something had to give, and I said "look, why don't we work out some kind of a filming schedule, I'll write up a proposal" followed by a detailed lengthy email of my entire schedule, including full details of when I was and wasn't available, where I would be specifically and at what times - so there would be no further confusion regarding MY availability. I believed I was doing my part, and that was all I could do. After two such detailed lengthy emails with all the specifics, I received no response. I thought "ahh 20-year olds are sooo busy that they cannot reply to an email" as I'd experienced such ignorant behavior by other men in the past. Several weeks later, one of them posted on his Facebook page "we are looking for quality instructors, we will pay $30 an hour!" I read this and thought: finally, a response! I immediately replied: "sounds great, I'll definitely do it for $30, I wondered what happened to you guys." I had been paid anywhere from $12 to $25 for previous sessions with them, so I was eager to get started at the higher rate, now that they seemed to have increased their instructor pay, and fortunately now had my new, fully detailed schedule to reference. A few days later I received an email from one of the guys which stated "you've stood us up too many times in the past for us to want to continue this relationship." Come again? This is a "relationship"? and *I* am the Universe? *I* caused your finger to get sliced off, your video camera cable to stop working, and accidents on the freeway? I mean, I've been blamed for forces of the Universe in past "relationships", but really: "it's not you, it's me. Or, it's not me, it's you! Wow. I wonder if my ex paid them off...? Maybe just the liberalism that comes with the territory in California?
Lately I've become too busy to even worry about what to do about these guys, or if I should just forget about it- like I said earlier, they are very young and inexperienced. I am guessing they continue to film people and move on to the next, a bit like recycling. Use em and lose em. As human lives, feelings, emotions, souls, and dedication are, well disposable. No sooner did one drama end in my life, the next one began. About a month ago, the guy (I believe around age 21 or 22) who lives next door to my rental apartment, was having a loud late-night party. He has had several of these, but this time it was unreasonable. I leaned my head out the door and asked them to be quiet at least 4 times, as most of the tenants were trying to sleep (this was about 2am on a Wednesday, a work-night). Of course the guy never listens to me. For example, he smokes outside my window when he knows I am allergic to smoke, and the windows are not insulated properly. Anyway a few minutes later I pop my head out the door again (to once again tell them to quiet down), only to see him carrying a young woman about 21 years old, in his arms out of his apartment - he then proceeded to THROW her - literally - down the concrete stairs, backwards, head over heels. The woman was badly injured, the police and paramedics came to her rescue. Meanwhile the neighbors and I were still trying to sleep (so much for that idea!) I heard the guy "testifying" to the police, saying "I didn't touch her, I don't know how she got down the stairs!" Once again I popped my head out the door and this time told the police exactly what happened. Not only did he throw a young woman down the stairs, he lied to the police about it! He was arrested that night and went to jail, but he has since been telling neighbors "that girl is crazy, I have a restraining order against her". Therefore, that makes it OK to throw her down the stairs and send her to the emergency room (or into a coma)?
I doubt that any of these men in the above stories, nor my ex or his idiot friends have ever lost a loved one, or if they have, do not have the audacity to put themselves in someone else's shoes for just one moment. These are the kinds of disrespectful, heartless people who my best guy-friend refers to as "douche-bags" - as crude as that term may sound - fitting for their ignorant mindset and degrading behavior towards other humans. Who throws another human down a concrete flight of stairs? Who slices one's own finger off then blames someone who was not even there for the mishap? Who bombs a city or center of commerce, like the terror attacks in Mumbai, Norway, or the World Trade Center? Justifying that its OK, because one's religious, political, or personal views support or inspire it? Who is right, the Muslim who believes he's commanded by his God to kill non-Muslims, or the Christian who thinks its wrong to kill, because the Bible (God's 10 Commandments) instructs us not to? So then does this make it ok to "hurt" someone, by throwing them down the stairs, as long as we don't "kill" them? Or only if they are "crazy" and we have a restraining order against them? Likewise, must we continually object to individuals of an opposing political party, because they vote against a bill that we support (or vice versa)? What about those individuals' personal feelings, their bodies, their souls? Or must we place blame with no regard for others? It's not me, it's YOU.
I don't know for sure if all of the aforementioned individuals who have crossed me (or another woman in my presence) know that I lost my Dad a little over 2 1/2 years ago. I'm pretty sure they're too wrapped up in themselves to care about another human life. Although if it were their Dad, they would probably think differently. But they can't put themselves in someone else's shoes. Similarly, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer about 7 months ago, around the time when I was with my ex. He and all his friends were made fully aware of the situation, I invited him to meet her, everything. He was just so ignorant and disrespectful about the whole thing, like he didn't even care about her health. I remember having a conversation with my mom while visiting her in the hospital right around New Years, about him standing me up. She had advised me something to the effect of seeking quality relationships with men who did not "use me" or otherwise disrespect me. I told her he was just busy, and I knew he was "the one" because that is what he had made me to believe, and of course I trusted him because he was introduced to me by a good friend (who else can you trust?). However this was well before I discovered many of his unhealthy tendencies including but not limited to his hostile behaviors. Thank God he never threw me down the stairs!
I wish my mom could have met him because she is a very good judge of character and could have spared me months of being disrespected and degraded by he and his friends. She is now suffering from adverse effects of cancer treatments, and is very very weak. I am trusting God to keep her in His care and make her healthy again. I've already lost my Dad to a debilitating disease, I don't want to lose my mom too. Now I wish I lived in the same state so I can see her, but I did not move to AZ in favor of my safety from the hostile ex. Instead I have a violent neighbor who is also hostile to women. I wish people (men in particular) could be more sensitive to human life. My ex and his friends KNOW what I went through with my Dad, but they are inconsiderate - they just sit around and make jokes about me, my family, and my family's health. How disrespectful they are, how inhumane! My Dad was the most genuine trustworthy wonderful man in the world, and My Mom is equally wonderful and special. Sure people are born and die every day, but why are my family and I discredited, belittled, and persecuted? How long will you go on doing this? Stop hurting other people, blaming other people for your own idiocy, and try a little understanding and compassion. It's not all about YOU, it's also about the other person, and believe it or not, you might actually be WRONG. I wish more people would realize that human life is precious, and we only have one life to live - in the best way we can. People are not discardable.
posted by :: Lisa :: at 1:05 AM
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