fishnets and fear

I spent last year in Israel, and was in Jerusalem for Palm Sunday, Good Friday and Easter - the high holy days in the Holy Land. If you were reading my blog back then, you may recall what a truly amazing international experience I had, not only culturally but especially on the spiritual level. Although I am back in America this year, I continue to transcend the dramas of daily life in our society, and cling to what is Truth, Peace, and Love as my foundation.

This Easter Sunday my home church had a service at the San Diego Convention Center. I decided to park off-site by the Padres baseball stadium and walk rather than to pay the $8 parking fee. The area was sparsely populated on the beautiful Easter Sunday morning, though fun memories of attending fan-packed baseball games passed through my mind. Also on my mind was my physical image, believe it or not. As I've grown and changed over the years I seldom stop and think about how OTHER people perceive me, because I've become so confident in who I am as an individual. I walked along the trolley tracks in my fishnet tights, go-go boots, and leather skirt - my signature outfit, OK to wear to a classy church service on this high holy day. OK in MY mind because my personal style in part defines who I am, although others may have a different definition of style or perceive mine to be less acceptable than theirs for a particular occasion.

Am I afraid of what other people think of me? Absolutely not. In fact, when others draw conclusions or make judgments based solely on my appearance or random actions (especially when taken out of context), I realize that they are the ones who have to live with themselves. This phenomenon is common among Christians unfortunately, thus giving those who practice the faith the label of hypocrites, but it is also especially true among those who do not have God in their lives. However because I have become more and more firmly grounded in my own spirituality, I know that God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind, along with the courage to stand on that foundation in doing such things as inviting other people to church with me. I am not afraid of them rejecting my invitation but it does hurt when they show disrespect often out of their own fear or uncertainty.

It is easy to get caught up in our daily lives, details, dramas, and dilemmas. Feelings get hurt, and misperceptions abound when people fail to see the big picture of the world we live in, and deeper meanings of life. It is nice to know that there is someone who is always there for us no matter how many people disrespect you. On Easter Sunday, millions of people attended church to celebrate the Resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, who died for the sins of mankind. He loved us so much that he did not want us to suffer through a life of drama, hurt and fear, so He sacrificed Himself to free us from that. His love is free and unconditional no matter how far we have strayed from Him and His laws. Life is too short to treat people with disrespect and not give credit to He who created us - thereby it is possible to love others with the same unconditional love He has for us.

My last blog was entitled "be true to yourself," and is very simple really. The first step is to be honest/real with yourself and everyone you interact with, and secondly treat other people how you would like to be treated. This is easier when you are not hiding anything because of what you think someone else would think (as if they would think any less of you, then they are not allowing themselves to recognize truth). Life is full of interesting encounters, learning experiences, and changes, and we live in a really big world. Only YOU can choose your own path, and live the life you think is best for you. When other people meet you with resistance you need to examine whether that resistance is inside of YOU or THEM. If its inside of YOU, you can deal with it accordingly, but if its inside of THEM, you can only show them your true self as an example of how to be true to oneself. I will wear my fishnets to church without fear of what other people will think - because I am being true to who God made me to be, beautiful in HIS image.

be true to yourself

When you offer to help someone and be there for them on a daily basis, and they reject you, its not about whether or not you did the right thing - because you did. You can't change who you are for someone else, and if it is in your nature to be giving and loving, people will have to deal with that. If you go out of your way to show kindness and friendship to someone and they blatantly disregard your feelings, there is no harm in what you have done, they are the one who has to live with themselves. If you can be unconditional towards them and keep the love for them in your heart no matter what, you will become a stronger person because you're willing to do whatever it takes to manifest your true intentions.

You have to ask yourself, "am I being true to myself?" if the answer is YES, continue to be true and don't change who your are or sacrifice your desires or your character because of someone's raunchy mood. If the answer is NO, ask yourself why you would make sacrifices for someone else if they are not reciprocating your love, or their reaction only makes you feel worse. Could it be that they do not know the real you because they are not allowing themselves to?

If their blatant disregard for your feelings stems from them not opening up their heart to you in the first place, then you need to step back and give them some space. If they are being true to themselves they will come around eventually, and embrace the love you have for them, while appreciating all that you are. If they are not being true to themselves it will wear on their souls and start to show outwardly, and they will continue to wreak havoc upon their life in other ways. Unless of course they are being superficial, in which case they are not being true to themselves or to you.

When you are helping someone or opening yourself up to them because of the love in your heart that you wish to share, you ARE being true to yourself. When you have nothing but love for the person you are opening up to, you are also putting yourself in a vulnerable position as the other person may not be quite at your level spiritually or emotionally. The more you open up your heart, the more you risk the potential of getting hurt. Some people get hurt over and over again because they put themselves out there and are continually misunderstood.

I pray for the day when the love that I give is returned in the way that I deserve - I deserve only the BEST and highest level of respect. I am grateful for my friends and family whose love is unconditional as is God's love. I believe it is possible for two people to love each other in this manner but only after the barriers of past relationship hurt and uncertainty about the future are taken down - so all that remains is honesty, truth, and LOVE. Open up your heart to receive it, you deserve the best for your life, and to surround yourself with people who adore and appreciate you.